my coming out story: part one
I have come out many times in my life. Coming out the first time was not an easy thing for me. A few months into a new school, I decided it was a great idea to come out as a lesbian. It was a bumpy road for me and only my true friends stood by me, I lost a lot of people that I considered to be friends and I was bullied massively.
I always struggled to tell my parents. I was scared of rejection, scared of failing them, scared of being a disappointment to my family. I was so unhappy with myself. I felt like I was living a double life because I was one person when I was at home and someone else when I was away from it. I was nervous at the prospect of telling my mum. I finally plucked up the courage to tell her around 6 months after someone had outed me to the whole school, after months of bullying, crying myself to sleep, hoping the next day would be easier. I told her over text, because I was too scared about what she would say if I told her face-to-face. I remember asking her to tell my dad because I was terrified of what he would say to me. She texted me back saying that she knew, that she loved me, and as long as I was happy then so was she.
Telling my dad was much harder, and this didn’t happen until years later. Well, I never got to tell him because he actually asked me. I guess I never felt the need to say anything. I was just happy doing my own thing. He was very supportive at the start. He wasn’t as supportive a few years later, but he did still say he loved me regardless.
In 2015 I came out to my girlfriend at the time as transgender, after years of questioning. I told a very small group of people at first. I came out as gender fluid/non-binary and was using they/them pronouns. I met some incredible, inspirational people - people that I feel have really helped me blossom as a person! In April 2018, I came out to my mum again first, just like before. I think deep down she knew, but it was the confirmation she needed, and that I needed. I knew I needed to tell my dad before I started medically transitioning.
My dysphoria was getting me down, and I couldn’t deal with it any longer. I sat in front of my computer and I just started writing, and writing and writing. I had written a 2-page email, explaining exactly how I felt, that I was trapped in the wrong body, and I needed to do this, and then sent it to my parents. This was in May 2018. I then told the rest of my immediate family that I was transitioning because I was transgender, and my name was Taylor, and I was going by he/him pronouns. I then came out to everyone on Facebook.
My relationship with my dad started to break down in August 2018. I knew it was coming, but I never expected it to play out as it did. I knew it was hard for my family to understand. I have a very big family, and unfortunately, some of them don’t support me. My dad kicked me out in December 2018. I moved in with my mum full time, and I was probably at the lowest point in my life. I worshipped my dad when I grew up, and it broke my heart to know that I was losing him. I spent months trying to rectify a relationship with him, not knowing if there was much point.
If this last year has taught me anything it’s that, just because you share blood with someone, it doesn’t mean that they are your family. Family are your handpicked friends. Now, a year after my dad kicked me out, we have no contact. I have seen him once since I had surgery and he doesn’t know I’ve started Testosterone, but my life is so much better without him. I am happy, and I know who I have.
My advice to anyone wanting to come out as gay, lesbian, trans, whatever you’re coming out as, is to take your time. Trust me, you’ll know when you’re ready. Do not feel pressured into coming out. I know how hard it is, and you may lose friends or even family. But I promise you, it’ll be worth it in the long run. Remember you only get one life, so make it the best possible life for yourself.
Coming out is never easy, and each story is different! But never feel alone, never cry yourself to sleep at night because I guarantee you, there is someone in your life that will help you no matter what! There will be a person who will support and guide you while you go through this hard time. I would be nowhere without the support of my friends - hold them close. Come out when you are ready and don't ever feel pressured to do so. There is no rule book that you have to follow.