Growing up, “she’s a typical black girl” was a phrase I heard a lot. Being a “typical black girl” probably meant that you were rude, loud, obnoxious, and probably prone to getting into arguments and fights. Someone will exhibit seemingly undesirable behaviour and that would make them a “typical black girl”. Being perceived within this stereotype wasn’t a positive thing, and we normally tried to do what we could to not be labelled as such. You’re probably wondering - what this has got to do with reality TV? Nothing, really, but what it does do is highlight how we think and speak about ourselves and others. We hold each other to a somewhat impossible standard, a standard with foundations in hundreds of years of stereotyping, racism and misogyny. 

On the fifth season on The Real Housewives of Potomac, currently airing, viewers get to see the heavily anticipated physical altercation between Monique Samuels and Candiace Dillard Bassett. The season opened with a dispute between the two, with tensions reaching boiling point by episode 9. The rest of the cast watched on, in shock, and turned to their green screen confessionals to denounce their behaviour on the basis that it reflects badly on all of them as black women.  

This point of view is regularly heard on reality TV shows with majority black casts. It highlights the issue of respectability politics, present in black communities across the world, that shape the way we look at one another. These women are right in saying that black women are negatively viewed in society. The stereotypes and misogynoir (an unfortunate blend of misogyny and racism) these women face work to keep them from gaining a seat at the table and are used as a derogatory justification for ubiquitous mistreatment and discrimination.   

Respectability Politics is the belief that if you avoid perpetuating stereotypes and conform to society’s view of acceptable behaviour, you will be safe from discrimination and prejudice. It is best described by the good immigrant dilemma, which causes us to hold ourselves and each other to an impossible standard. A standard which we presume will shield us from racism and misogyny. While writing about this concept in her book Brit(ish), Afua Hirsch uses the example of joining in on the disapproving frowns that a black African man was receiving for speaking on the phone on a quiet train. We often aim to steer clear of perpetuating stereotypes, to not be seen as a ‘typical’ black person and on reality TV, this is often the angry black woman who is loud and fights a lot. 

While I don’t agree with the fight on The Real Housewives, and do see that it was unnecessary, I do believe the conversation surrounding it highlights an unrealistic expectation of black women, especially in reality TV. These women must always remain composed and to never be upset or angry. People are going to argue and not get along; that’s life. This should not reflect badly on an entire group of people. We must recognise that stereotypes have nothing to do with the actions of the stereotyped group and are purely a means used to oppress and discriminate. There’s no logic behind reducing millions of people’s existence to negative stereotypes or attributing the behaviour of one person to an entire group. But it happens, and it works to ensure that these people toe the line.  

I do believe that creators of reality shows rely on stereotypes and negative drama for views, and money, and producers will often go out of their way to create dramatic altercations. This exploitative nature isn’t restricted to black women, either. Shows like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie’s Simple Life relied on the ‘dumb blonde’ stereotype. The judgement from fellow cast members, audiences, and also those who don’t watch, should not be focused so much on the women of these shows. We should direct our attention to the powerful bodies that thrive on creating toxic environments, and thus exploit the individuals that are scripted into these arguments and cat fights. There is no way that, in the real world, any of us will fly half-way across the world to go on holiday with people we don’t like. And yet, this is what happens every season on reality TV. In summation - there are a lot of questions around ethics and exploitation that reality TV production companies must answer to.  

Comments disapproving of the lives of black reality stars, from their behaviour right down to their hair, make up and outfit choices, have never sat well with me. It has shown me that women, especially black women, can often not be themselves or feel certain emotions in fear of judgement or bigotry. The idea that you need to do all that you can to avoid stereotypes is a waste of energy. There is no fun in trying to fit into a tiny box that society deems acceptable. No matter what you do, if a person views you through a stereotyped lens then that’s just who they are and there’s very little you can do to change their opinion. Cast members on shows like The Real Housewives of Potomac and Married to Medicine have relied on the ‘we are not the stereotype’ storyline. While I am sure it is well-intentioned, respectability politics does more harm than good; in these examples, it actually reinforces stereotypes. Syleena Johnson, on a recent episode of Cocktails with Queens, said it best when they said, “sometimes people need to see black women disagreeing, not being on the same page and having hard conversations.” We need to see black women with a range of emotions, because that is our real reality. 

Ronita Awoonor-Gordon is a writer and creative whose work explores the role of culture and identity in our lives. Her work comes in written and visual forms. You can see more of her work on her website www.ronitasworld.com and on Instagram ronitasworld.