I PUT MYSELF IN THE SEA

For Jessica

She watches her love drift out towards the water. After a while, he returns, smiling

and bearing gifts of the ocean. Small shards of clouded glass and shells discoloured by years

of hiding underneath the sea bed. She wraps them up in her wilted cloth, dyed red and grey

with berries and smoke from the fire that she let consume it, and sets them to rest in her bag.

Next it is her turn. He doesn’t want her to go; is worried the waves will swallow her whole

and that she will let them take her. But she goes anyway, feeling free as she walks towards

the water. The waves do not crash, they talk to her – an invitation to explore their depths

and see what she can find. She sits amongst them and buries her hands into the earth.

Time goes by – she doesn’t know how much – and she finds nothing. She feels the waves

were mocking her. Their invitation led only to disappointment. They’ve stopped talking to

her, now they only whisper amongst themselves, excluding her from the secrets of their depths.

She becomes frantic, flailing her limbs in the water and adding to its chaos.

But it is with the chaos that finally she finds her own gift – a paintbrush, faded blue and

lacking bristles, half the handle rotten, but beautiful nonetheless. She calms herself, holds

the brush beneath the ocean and closes her eyes. She feels the sea wash over her,

thanks it for its kindness and wishes it farewell. It speaks back, but the voice is distant.

She returns to him. He asks her of her findings but she keeps the brush a secret and, when

he’s not looking, wraps it up in a new piece of cloth and sets it in her bag to rest.

to read more of Ellie’s poetry, check out her website.