No Honestly

This

Is

The best I’ve

Ever felt

Have

You

Noticed

My hips

Aren’t Even

Hips

Any

More

More

Like

Like

Chicken carcass

After the

Roast

But more importantly

No, no

This

Is

The best I’ve

Ever felt

My Breasts

Are

Barely

Breasts

More like

Mozzy

Bites

Where

Blood is

Sucked

Dry

And they

Plump up

To

Cherry tomatoes

So full

So swollen

What was I saying Oh yes I’ve

Never

Felt

So

Full

Before

It’s all

A

Bout

Moderation

It’s all about making

like a crisp packet

Ready

To burst

Swollen

With air

It’s all about

Making like fizzy water

And savouring

Bubbles

Davina McCall

Was right

I

Bloody

Hate

Davina¹

But also

Chocolate

I

Cannot

Stand

Chocolate

And

Prosecco

No

No, did

You

Know

That if

You drink Vodka

You

Will

Actually

Feel Better

Because

Your

Insides will

Be out

And

If

You

Stick

Celery in

Your

Oh god this is

Sorry what

Was I saying?

¹ an English Television model, well known for her exercise DVDs.