Beginner's Guide to Gay

There are beautiful women here 

Women that I want to be 

Women that I want to be with 

All I can do is smile 

Look her way 

Try not to look so straight 

As my eyes trace the curve of her hips 

Warmth and curiosity spread 

Across her smooth lips 

I bet her skin feels soft 

That she smells like satsumas and sun 

I hesitate, a lifetime too late 

The false bravado I wear most days 

Has gone astray, left me to  

To fend for myself amongst 

Maybes? and can I? and what if? 

I am too old for this 

To experienced to take risks 

Retreat to the safety of what’s known 

Forget about waistlines  

That pave roads to curved thighs 

Forget about harmonic moans 

About delusions of days when I won’t  

Feel wrong, avert my eyes 

In shame, for a glance too long 

When she welcomed me 

It felt like coming home 

As we kissed, she stroked my collar bone 

My head giddy from her touch 

Floating far away 

She kept laughing 

Saying ‘yeah, you’re so gay’ 

Woman pressed against woman 

In the most natural of embrace 

Didn’t know lips could feel like this 

Didn’t know skin could touch like this 

How could I say that 

I knew 

I knew